Questions I have been asked the past week:
"Can I ask you a rude question? Are you carrying twins? I thought so because you are so big!" - random lifeguard at YMCA pool
"Man, are you uncomfortable? You look really pregnant and uncomfortable." - key scanner lady at YMCA
"There are twins in there right? I just figured when I saw you." - lady in line behind me at grocery store
"Oh my gosh - when are you due?" - woman at library
Nothing like complete intrusiveness to make you feel completely self conscious.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
How Much Does it Cost to Bribe a Perinatologist????
Last week I went to my regular OB for a sonogram, Baby Boy's abdomen was measuring small. So, on Friday I went to a Perinatologist for another sonogram to confirm that his abdomen was small, and if it was we were probably looking at delivery early this week.
So, I began mentally preparing myself for delivery this Tuesday (2 days from today). In fact, I began dreaming longingly about it. No more waddling around, no more pain in my butt, no more lower back pain, no more "When are you going to have those babies?". I told everyone I ran into, "I am pretty sure we are having babies next week."
So, after a long and in-depth sonogram Friday afternoon at a specialist's office, the sonographer left to share the results with the doctor. I prepared myself for the inevitable - the perinatologist would come in and say, "I'm going to call your OB and recommend that you deliver early next week. Time for those babies to come out."
In came the perinatologist, and she began scanning my stomach again (I am pretty sure I have set the world's record for amount of sonogram jelly that has been smeared on my tummy in the past 8 months). She talked about how great it was that both of the babies were moving, pointed out that they were both "practicing" breathing, the cord blood flow was still good, all their parts were there and looked to be in working order, and they were weighing at between 5 and 6 lbs. (That's right people, I am carrying approximately 10 to 12 lbs of baby in my belly.)
"How's his abdomen?" I asked hopefully, bracing myself for the delivery news.
"It's still measuring small - around the 9th percentile." she said.
"So that's concerning right? They probably need to come out, right?" I said feigning concern.
"Actually, we really look at fetal movement and cord blood flow to determine if it is time to deliver the babies. Both of those look really good on you. I'm not as concerned with his abdomen size, as much as those other 2 things. So, I am going to recommend to your OB that we don't induce delivery right now."
What? What did she say? No delivery. On goes the back pain, butt pain, waddling and intrusive questions.....
As I walked out of the office with the nurse to schedule my next sonogram for the following week I asked, "Do you thing $50 would change her mind?"
The nurse smiled kindly at me, shook her head no, and handed me my appointment card. "See ya next week!" she brightly said.
"See you next week." Ugh!
So, I began mentally preparing myself for delivery this Tuesday (2 days from today). In fact, I began dreaming longingly about it. No more waddling around, no more pain in my butt, no more lower back pain, no more "When are you going to have those babies?". I told everyone I ran into, "I am pretty sure we are having babies next week."
So, after a long and in-depth sonogram Friday afternoon at a specialist's office, the sonographer left to share the results with the doctor. I prepared myself for the inevitable - the perinatologist would come in and say, "I'm going to call your OB and recommend that you deliver early next week. Time for those babies to come out."
In came the perinatologist, and she began scanning my stomach again (I am pretty sure I have set the world's record for amount of sonogram jelly that has been smeared on my tummy in the past 8 months). She talked about how great it was that both of the babies were moving, pointed out that they were both "practicing" breathing, the cord blood flow was still good, all their parts were there and looked to be in working order, and they were weighing at between 5 and 6 lbs. (That's right people, I am carrying approximately 10 to 12 lbs of baby in my belly.)
"How's his abdomen?" I asked hopefully, bracing myself for the delivery news.
"It's still measuring small - around the 9th percentile." she said.
"So that's concerning right? They probably need to come out, right?" I said feigning concern.
"Actually, we really look at fetal movement and cord blood flow to determine if it is time to deliver the babies. Both of those look really good on you. I'm not as concerned with his abdomen size, as much as those other 2 things. So, I am going to recommend to your OB that we don't induce delivery right now."
What? What did she say? No delivery. On goes the back pain, butt pain, waddling and intrusive questions.....
As I walked out of the office with the nurse to schedule my next sonogram for the following week I asked, "Do you thing $50 would change her mind?"
The nurse smiled kindly at me, shook her head no, and handed me my appointment card. "See ya next week!" she brightly said.
"See you next week." Ugh!
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Baldy and Don King
One other interesting fact that my most recent ultrasound revealed was that one of the babies has some hair. OK, some hair may be an understatement. Baby Girl Johnson has some massive hair. Remember - babies are head to head pointing down. So, check out these pics....
Here's Baby Girl Johnson - cute right? Looks pretty normal, nothing strange...
Here's Baby Boy Johnson - also cute.
But what's that strange white fuzzy stuff above his head in the picture?
Well, according to the ultrasound tech, that would be his sister's hair hanging over the top of his head. Girlfriend has so much hair that is intruding into his close up. I'm picturing a mini-Don King, or Snooki from Jersey Shore with that big bang formation over her forehead. I'm going to be paying for haircuts before this kid rolls over. Good thing newborns wear those little hats.
And no sign of hair on Baby Boy. How could he - his sister's been taking all the hair-making nutrition apparently.
Oh boy is it going to be interesting to meet these babies!
What's Up Buttercup??
Recent Update: Still no babies, still on "modified" bedrest, at 35 weeks and the countdown to "Party of Five" has begun.
I had a sonogram early last week which revealed lots of excellent information, such as:
1 - Both babies are head down - which explains why my bladder feels like a punching bag
2 - Baby Girl Johnson is not only head down, but is laying in a V with her feet resting on her brother's head
3 - Those 2 strange bumps at the top of my tummy that keep popping up are their butts
4 - Heartbeats, umbilical cord flow, and baby parts all look great
The only concern was Baby Boy Johnson's abdomen - apparently it is measuring a little small. Like 7th percentile small. All his other parts are measuing normally - so I am picturing this normal-headed, normal-limbed baby with this abnormally small middle part. Kinda like a Barbie Doll. Maybe he's been doing P90X or Abs of Steel? You gotta do something to build your stregnth when your sister is constantly kicking you in the head.
So, next Friday the babies get scanned again to check out that Barbie abdomen and all their other parts. If Baby Boy's waist is still small, the babies may be evicted from their current warm cozy home to the bright lights of the real world.
Clock's ticking.......little friends arriving soon.....
I had a sonogram early last week which revealed lots of excellent information, such as:
1 - Both babies are head down - which explains why my bladder feels like a punching bag
2 - Baby Girl Johnson is not only head down, but is laying in a V with her feet resting on her brother's head
3 - Those 2 strange bumps at the top of my tummy that keep popping up are their butts
4 - Heartbeats, umbilical cord flow, and baby parts all look great
The only concern was Baby Boy Johnson's abdomen - apparently it is measuring a little small. Like 7th percentile small. All his other parts are measuing normally - so I am picturing this normal-headed, normal-limbed baby with this abnormally small middle part. Kinda like a Barbie Doll. Maybe he's been doing P90X or Abs of Steel? You gotta do something to build your stregnth when your sister is constantly kicking you in the head.
So, next Friday the babies get scanned again to check out that Barbie abdomen and all their other parts. If Baby Boy's waist is still small, the babies may be evicted from their current warm cozy home to the bright lights of the real world.
Clock's ticking.......little friends arriving soon.....
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Like Manna from Heaven
Last few weeks of pregnancy - you are massive, uncomfortable, and feel udderly unattractive. To top it off, you are busting out of your go-to maternity clothes. Your favorite maternity t-shirt that fit last week is starting to show a little bottom belly if you don't constantly pull it down. That skirt that you have worn multiple times and felt semi-cute in all of a sudden is riding a little lower than you are comfortable wearing. You are starting to look like "that pregnant lady" that you swore you would never be - you know, the one who's belly is bustin out the bottom of her piled worn-way-to-many-times cotton shirt, and the elastic band of her maternity pants is a prominent feature on her lower back as she slowly waddles through Target looking absolutely miserable.
But, you don't want to go buy more clothes because
1- The size you are going to have to purchase is just disgusting
2 - You are only going to wear them a couple more weeks
3 - Most of the clothes that will fit your belly resemble a mu mu and who wants to spend their hard earned money on a mu mu
So, when my sister showed up last Thursday with a big bag of maternity clothes courtesy of her sister-in-law, I had a small glimmer of hope that there may be a shirt or two that could tide me over until delivery, but not much excitement. Because, as most of us know, a "shared" sack of maternity clothes sent to you in your last weeks is typically full of huge shirts that tie around the back and big baggy stretched out cotton pants with a bleach stains somewhere on the bottom. Not usually the height of fashion, even maternity fashion (which is a bit of an oxymoron)
But not this sack - this sack was full of flowy, comfy, soft dresses that were actually, dare I say....
FABULOUS!
And not just one cute dress, but lots of cute dresses. A week's worth (if I make sure not to drop food on my belly during lunch) of outfits that I could acutally feel attractive in. No more doing laundry every 3 days, or even 4 for that matter!
Now, I readily accept the fact that I still look massive in them. Turn to the side and the view might even scare you. But, they are comfortable, nothing is touching my belly, and they could pass for non-maternity dare I say "hip" clothes if you took a quick peek at them on the hanger.
So God Bless You JW sister-in-law of my sister and your bag of amazing Manna from Heaven Maternity Dresses! I love you!
But, you don't want to go buy more clothes because
1- The size you are going to have to purchase is just disgusting
2 - You are only going to wear them a couple more weeks
3 - Most of the clothes that will fit your belly resemble a mu mu and who wants to spend their hard earned money on a mu mu
So, when my sister showed up last Thursday with a big bag of maternity clothes courtesy of her sister-in-law, I had a small glimmer of hope that there may be a shirt or two that could tide me over until delivery, but not much excitement. Because, as most of us know, a "shared" sack of maternity clothes sent to you in your last weeks is typically full of huge shirts that tie around the back and big baggy stretched out cotton pants with a bleach stains somewhere on the bottom. Not usually the height of fashion, even maternity fashion (which is a bit of an oxymoron)
But not this sack - this sack was full of flowy, comfy, soft dresses that were actually, dare I say....
FABULOUS!
And not just one cute dress, but lots of cute dresses. A week's worth (if I make sure not to drop food on my belly during lunch) of outfits that I could acutally feel attractive in. No more doing laundry every 3 days, or even 4 for that matter!
Now, I readily accept the fact that I still look massive in them. Turn to the side and the view might even scare you. But, they are comfortable, nothing is touching my belly, and they could pass for non-maternity dare I say "hip" clothes if you took a quick peek at them on the hanger.
So God Bless You JW sister-in-law of my sister and your bag of amazing Manna from Heaven Maternity Dresses! I love you!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Is Your Liver Fatty, or Is It Just Me??
My official diagnosis from my hospital stay last weekend is Acute Fatty Liver Syndrome of Pregnancy. Sounds sexy, right?
No, it sounds like I am a 400 lb. woman who has just spent her life engorging herself on fried foods, red meat, and pretty much anything else that is bad for you and is now paying the price by having a big, old, nasty fatty covered liver while trying to carry a baby (or two for that matter). In fact, when people ask me what was up with the hospital stay, I feel the urge to whisper the diagnosis very quietly behind my hand, almost like they discovered a shrunken twin growing out my back or something to that effect.
If you google this Fatty Liver issue, it basically scares the pants off you. Terms like "life-threatening" and "organ shut down" occur in the descriptions. So, after one day of investigating, I have banned myself from any Fatty Liver searches on the computer. The OB, the GI and various other medical professionals had faith that I am healthy enough to go home, they are monitoring me, and if I start to feel crappy, I just need to make a phone call that will probably land me back in the hospital with people sucking out and deciphering my blood again.
What I do know from what the doctors told me is that
1 - It is rare (1 in 10,000 to 1 in 15,000) pregnancies
2 - Nothing I could have done to prevent it
3 - It will go away 2-3 days after delivery
All I can do is eat a low-fat diet and hope my fatty liver hangs on until those babies get out of my belly.
So, here's to grilled chicken, veggies, and driving past Chic-Fil-A without stopping. Me and my (whisper)fatty liver have to stay away from you for awhile!
No, it sounds like I am a 400 lb. woman who has just spent her life engorging herself on fried foods, red meat, and pretty much anything else that is bad for you and is now paying the price by having a big, old, nasty fatty covered liver while trying to carry a baby (or two for that matter). In fact, when people ask me what was up with the hospital stay, I feel the urge to whisper the diagnosis very quietly behind my hand, almost like they discovered a shrunken twin growing out my back or something to that effect.
If you google this Fatty Liver issue, it basically scares the pants off you. Terms like "life-threatening" and "organ shut down" occur in the descriptions. So, after one day of investigating, I have banned myself from any Fatty Liver searches on the computer. The OB, the GI and various other medical professionals had faith that I am healthy enough to go home, they are monitoring me, and if I start to feel crappy, I just need to make a phone call that will probably land me back in the hospital with people sucking out and deciphering my blood again.
What I do know from what the doctors told me is that
1 - It is rare (1 in 10,000 to 1 in 15,000) pregnancies
2 - Nothing I could have done to prevent it
3 - It will go away 2-3 days after delivery
All I can do is eat a low-fat diet and hope my fatty liver hangs on until those babies get out of my belly.
So, here's to grilled chicken, veggies, and driving past Chic-Fil-A without stopping. Me and my (whisper)fatty liver have to stay away from you for awhile!
Quick Update
So sorry I haven't updated - amazing how much more time you have to write when you are stuck in the hospital without anyone to take care of versus at home trying to keep up with three kids, a dog, a husband, and family in visiting/helping/celebrating the 4th.
So, I got to go home last Tuesday afternoon after lots of blood draws, monitorings, and a whole bunch of just sitting around. It felt so good to just come home and sit on my own couch, lay in my own bed, and go back to sleeping in the rocker in the nursery because besides all the wonderful treatment at the hospital I got they couldn't figure out away to make my night butt pain go away. But, I was sleeping in the rocker at home, so that made it 10 times better.
So, besides the low fat diet, and everyone telling me to sit down, go rest, get out of the way, everything is good. Babies are good, liver enzymes are currently normal, I am large and uncomfortable which pretty much is how the last month of pregnancy goes.
So, I got to go home last Tuesday afternoon after lots of blood draws, monitorings, and a whole bunch of just sitting around. It felt so good to just come home and sit on my own couch, lay in my own bed, and go back to sleeping in the rocker in the nursery because besides all the wonderful treatment at the hospital I got they couldn't figure out away to make my night butt pain go away. But, I was sleeping in the rocker at home, so that made it 10 times better.
So, besides the low fat diet, and everyone telling me to sit down, go rest, get out of the way, everything is good. Babies are good, liver enzymes are currently normal, I am large and uncomfortable which pretty much is how the last month of pregnancy goes.
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