Martha I am Not

A couple weeks ago, we decided to invite all the neighbors over for Halloween dinner before trick-or-treating began.  There were several reasons we decided to do this:

1 - Our neighbors have been AWESOME in regards to support, love, caring and anything else you can provide since we moved here a year and a half ago.  They hosted a baby shower, basically fed us for a month after the babies were born, and have had us over to their homes time and time again for meals, socializing, etc.  We figured it was time to share the love.

2 - My parents were here.  We had 2 extra adults to assist. Adults - 4, Kids - 5.  4/5 ratio looked good.

3 - Trick or Treating started at 6pm.  Really, people would only be over here for an hour or so.  We figured we could somewhat fake control for 60 minutes - right?

I started digging around and found these awesome cupcakes on one of the blogs I stalk.  You know, one of those blogs where all the food looks amazing, the authors talk about how easy everything is to make, and they give away cool things that you never win, have 8 kids that they homeschool, travel to blogging conferences, have book deals, and look super cute in their blog photos which make you think they always look like that and then you start wondering why can't I be that amazing......  But I digress....

Ah the cupcakes...Aren't they beautiful?  A Halloween masterpiece. And really, how hard could it be?  A cake mix, some food coloring, muffin cups?  Piece of cake.  And how fabulous would I be - making these amazing cupcakes that everyone would love and swoon over.

"Did you try the cupcakes?  They are amazing!"  


"Heather - these cupcakes are adorable!  How do you find the time?"


"You are the most amazing baker I have ever known!  5 kids and still time to prepare this slice of heaven!"

So the night before the big shin dig, I pulled the fancy mixer out from the back of the cupboard, blew off the dust caked all over it, and commenced Project Awesome Cupcake Baking.  Decided to make a double batch - who knew how many people were going to be here, and these cupcakes would be so fabulous everyone would at least want two.

Figured it would take me 20 minutes to mix them up and stick them in the muffin pans - bake them for 30 minutes and frost the next day.............An hour and a half later, fingers dyed yellow and batter all over the counter, cupcakes went into the oven.  Apparently, dying batter and layering it in muffin cups is a little more time intensive than I imagined.  But all was good - they were baked and all I had to do was frost them the next day.

Fast forward 12 hours - back in the kitchen with the dusty mixer and the Perfect Cupcake Frosting recipe pulled up. According to the food blog goddesses, this is the Perfect Cupcake Frosting.  How could I pass that up?  No canned frosting for my guests - they were getting the best frosting ever!

"Oh my gosh - have you tasted the frosting on these cupcakes? It's like eating a cloud from heaven!"


"Heather - you must give me this recipe.  You are so amazing!  This is delicious!"


"I don't think I can ever have frosting again unless it is frosting you have prepared!"


Now, this is not your regular throw a bunch of stuff in the mixer whip it up frosting.  It involves heating things in saucepans, beating so long you thing the mixer is going to break, and other strange steps.  But, I knew I could tackle it.  I began my first batch and 45 minutes later I had this beautiful white fluffy frosting that did taste amazing - I could probably have eaten the entire bowl of it myself.  But, I was preparing it for my beloved guests - so frosting of the amazing double layered cupcakes I commenced.  And quickly realized I had nowhere near enough.  I checked the recipe again and realized I hadn't read closely enough.....

"Makes enough to frost 12 cupcakes"  

Argggghhhhh! (Ok, it was a different word than that, but my kids may read this blog later in life I don't want them to think I am a complete cusser)

I had made a double batch of cupcakes - so I was looking at 48 cupcakes covering the counter, all naked and begging for frosting. I had 11 done and no frosting left (Would've had 12 done, but I partook of my labors a bit).

Batch #2, tripled this time, of the 87 Step Worlds Most Amazing Frosting Recipe.....

So, an hour and a half later, I gaze upon my countertop covered with beatiful amazing Halloween cupcakes and gently adorn each one with a single candycorn.  I didn't have enough room on my serving platter (OK, it's really more of a large plate, my non-Martha-ness doesn't own any serving platters, especially of the Halloween persuasion), so I stuck the rest of the cupcakes on my baking stone and stuck them in the oven for the sake of counter space.

While doing this I said to all adults around me, "Don't let me forget that these are in the oven ok?"

You can see where this is going can't you?

About 30 minutes later, and 20 minutes before guests were to arrive, I headed upstairs to pump.  Right before I go, I turn the oven on to get ready to bake the Mummy Dogs (That's right - on top of fabulous cupcakes, I was also serving adorable hot dogs wrapped in crescent rolls so they look like mummies.  I am brilliant!)

While sitting there having my quality pumping time and dreaming of how fabulous an event we were going to have with all the fabulous food I had prepared, I hear the sound of windows being rapidly opened downstairs.  There is only one reason multiple windows are opened that fast in our house, and it usually has to do with something smokin and stinkin.   In less than 2.5 nanoseconds, I put it all together and screamed from my pumping position.....

"AHHHHHHH - THE CUPCAKES!!!!"

I quickly uncorked myself, ran downstairs, and saw half my beautiful cupcakes covered with melted frosting chucked into the sink. The pungent smell of burning frosting on the bottom of the oven permeated through the smoky air.

All that work to make the extra batches, the extra frosting, melting in the sink.

My mom gave me a hug and said, "You still have half them left.  It'll be fine."

And it was - I still had an entire plate of cupcakes to serve, so I set them out with some other treats that my mom and the kids had made the day before.  I felt bad there weren't enough cupcakes for each person, but figured it would be ok.

The party went great - everyone had a good time, we all survived, the food was eaten, the drinks were drank, and we made some wonderful Halloween memories.

The hot dogs were eaten, the apples and dip were eaten, the frito corn salad was eaten.............................

....................and I had an entire plate of UNEATEN cupcakes.  Not one beautiful delicious oven-disaster surviving CandyCorn cupcake was gone.

So, for 4 or so hours of blood, sweat, food colored fingers and tears, I ended up with half the cupcakes in the sink, and the other half still sitting there on the plate lookin at me.

So, the next time I'm stalking a food blog and think how cute and delicious and easy and "I can make that" some holiday food item looks, I'm just going to pull up this picture of cupcakes that my husband sent me from his office, the day after Halloween, before he took my dear neglected cupcakes down to the break room where all uneaten food goes to die....

And I'll click back to "Hip Momma in a Shoe" and remember that Martha I am Not.