A Delivery Story

So, how did the big day go you may be asking yourself? (Or you may not). If you don't care, just skip this post and return later for a discussion of a topic other than my delivery!
But, for the rest of you.....

Dare I say, it actually went, well, ……….

easy.....

That's right - I just described childbirth of twins as EASY.......

Obviously I must have been drinking, or on some type of very strong narcotic, or both. Maybe Easy isn't the right word. Maybe....

Uncomplicated?
Non-stressful?
Calm?
Controlled?

I'm not sure how to exactly describe it, but it was pretty much opposite what you would picture labor and delivery being. When one thinks childbirth words like stressful, strenuous, chaos, sweat, exertion, exhaustion, and extreme pain come to mind. And, in the past, my birth experiences have contained at least elements of that. Listening to several of my friends who have recently given birth, childbirth often those words and worse….

But for some reason last Tuesday, things went pretty much as smooth as you could want them to go.

We showed up at the hospital around 7 and headed straight to a patient room. After 5 minutes, the staff already had me changed into my hot sexy hospital gown, had permission forms saying the hospital wasn’t at fault if I died and if our insurance doesn’t pay we are going to owe the hospital our wages for the rest of our lives signed, and were poking my hand for an iv. Fifteen minutes into it, the doctor was there ready to check me and break my water.

And that’s where the worst 15 minutes of the whole experience began –

It took 2 nurses and 4 tries to get my IV hooked up. Searing hot pain from needle pokes in 4 places on my arm – awesome.

Then, the doctor checked me - which happens to be one of the most uncomfortable and painful things I can think of that happens to a woman – except for when they use this magical knitting hook up in places where it shouldn’t be to break your water.

IV for drugs in, doctor done exploring my private parts, water of baby A broken, and I was at a 5. And that is the end of the worst 15 minutes of the day ended.

I had been at the hospital a total of 45 minutes.

The rest of the morning, the hubby and I hung out, chatted it up with the nurse, entertained the various staff that came in saying, “Are you the one having her second set of twins?” (thanks medical records on the computer), and just enjoyed chillin’ without having to tell anyone to clean their room, go get dressed, or finish their milk before they left the table. It was almost like we were on a date, but in a hanging out in a hospital waiting to go into labor sort-a way.

A little bit later, the anesthesiologist showed up and put in my epidural. I was extremely disappointed that I couldn’t have the babies without drugs, but because it was twins and we had to be prepared for a C-Section, I had to have one.

OK, that’s a complete lie. Never has crossed my mind to attempt childbirth without the miracle of numbness from the waist down. I think people who actually do birth children without drugs should get to wear a special medal on their shirts for the rest of their lives, and wherever they go people should give them a standing ovation.

Anyway….

So, I’m numbed up and feel no pain, hanging out in bed chatting with my husband and playing Free Cell on my phone. I have an unlimited supply of ice chips at my disposal, and life is good. I can’t tell you how many times we turned to each other and commented about how surreal and calm the whole thing was.

Around 12 the nurse checked me again (thank you epidural) and told L he might want to go grab lunch because we’re getting close. By the time he returned, the room was starting to fill up with people. They gathered up all the medical equipment attached to me, and had a little parade down the hall to the operating room. As we were leaving the room I said to the nurse “Am I contracting a lot – I’m not feeling much.” She just laughed and said, “Girl – you’re having a huge one right now.” (thank you epidural).

Now, one of the strange things about having twins is the massive amount of people that are around for the delivery. There were a couple of nurses there attending to me, the doctor, the hubby, two nurses for each baby, and they were calling in extra people. Before I knew it, everyone was masked up, I was in the uncomfortable position that guaranteed everyone could see my private parts, and the doctor told me to go ahead and push.

One push, and baby partially out. Another push and the doctor says, “Whoa whoa whoa – slow down.” and baby boy is out. Within 5 minutes, I’ve pushed twice, one baby is out and on the warmer, and we’re getting ready for baby 2.

That’s when we figure out Baby Girl has flipped – she was head down at the start of delivery, decided to enjoy all the space that her vacated brother had made, and flipped head up again.

I looked at the doctor and said, “You promised.” You see, she and I had several discussions before delivery about how at all costs we needed to avoid the dreaded “double injury”. You know – regular delivery for one, C section for the other. Messed up girl-parts, messed-up belly = not cool.

“We’re fine” she said, and then said, “I just want you to push.” So push I did. And out came Baby Girl feet first – 5 pushes max. And we were done. No pain, no stress, and Baby Girl delivered breech (thank you epidural).

And that is how Baby T and Baby C entered the world.  That’s my delivery story, and I’m stickin to it!