A Delivery Story

So, how did the big day go you may be asking yourself? (Or you may not). If you don't care, just skip this post and return later for a discussion of a topic other than my delivery!
But, for the rest of you.....

Dare I say, it actually went, well, ……….

easy.....

That's right - I just described childbirth of twins as EASY.......

Obviously I must have been drinking, or on some type of very strong narcotic, or both. Maybe Easy isn't the right word. Maybe....

Uncomplicated?
Non-stressful?
Calm?
Controlled?

I'm not sure how to exactly describe it, but it was pretty much opposite what you would picture labor and delivery being. When one thinks childbirth words like stressful, strenuous, chaos, sweat, exertion, exhaustion, and extreme pain come to mind. And, in the past, my birth experiences have contained at least elements of that. Listening to several of my friends who have recently given birth, childbirth often those words and worse….

But for some reason last Tuesday, things went pretty much as smooth as you could want them to go.

We showed up at the hospital around 7 and headed straight to a patient room. After 5 minutes, the staff already had me changed into my hot sexy hospital gown, had permission forms saying the hospital wasn’t at fault if I died and if our insurance doesn’t pay we are going to owe the hospital our wages for the rest of our lives signed, and were poking my hand for an iv. Fifteen minutes into it, the doctor was there ready to check me and break my water.

And that’s where the worst 15 minutes of the whole experience began –

It took 2 nurses and 4 tries to get my IV hooked up. Searing hot pain from needle pokes in 4 places on my arm – awesome.

Then, the doctor checked me - which happens to be one of the most uncomfortable and painful things I can think of that happens to a woman – except for when they use this magical knitting hook up in places where it shouldn’t be to break your water.

IV for drugs in, doctor done exploring my private parts, water of baby A broken, and I was at a 5. And that is the end of the worst 15 minutes of the day ended.

I had been at the hospital a total of 45 minutes.

The rest of the morning, the hubby and I hung out, chatted it up with the nurse, entertained the various staff that came in saying, “Are you the one having her second set of twins?” (thanks medical records on the computer), and just enjoyed chillin’ without having to tell anyone to clean their room, go get dressed, or finish their milk before they left the table. It was almost like we were on a date, but in a hanging out in a hospital waiting to go into labor sort-a way.

A little bit later, the anesthesiologist showed up and put in my epidural. I was extremely disappointed that I couldn’t have the babies without drugs, but because it was twins and we had to be prepared for a C-Section, I had to have one.

OK, that’s a complete lie. Never has crossed my mind to attempt childbirth without the miracle of numbness from the waist down. I think people who actually do birth children without drugs should get to wear a special medal on their shirts for the rest of their lives, and wherever they go people should give them a standing ovation.

Anyway….

So, I’m numbed up and feel no pain, hanging out in bed chatting with my husband and playing Free Cell on my phone. I have an unlimited supply of ice chips at my disposal, and life is good. I can’t tell you how many times we turned to each other and commented about how surreal and calm the whole thing was.

Around 12 the nurse checked me again (thank you epidural) and told L he might want to go grab lunch because we’re getting close. By the time he returned, the room was starting to fill up with people. They gathered up all the medical equipment attached to me, and had a little parade down the hall to the operating room. As we were leaving the room I said to the nurse “Am I contracting a lot – I’m not feeling much.” She just laughed and said, “Girl – you’re having a huge one right now.” (thank you epidural).

Now, one of the strange things about having twins is the massive amount of people that are around for the delivery. There were a couple of nurses there attending to me, the doctor, the hubby, two nurses for each baby, and they were calling in extra people. Before I knew it, everyone was masked up, I was in the uncomfortable position that guaranteed everyone could see my private parts, and the doctor told me to go ahead and push.

One push, and baby partially out. Another push and the doctor says, “Whoa whoa whoa – slow down.” and baby boy is out. Within 5 minutes, I’ve pushed twice, one baby is out and on the warmer, and we’re getting ready for baby 2.

That’s when we figure out Baby Girl has flipped – she was head down at the start of delivery, decided to enjoy all the space that her vacated brother had made, and flipped head up again.

I looked at the doctor and said, “You promised.” You see, she and I had several discussions before delivery about how at all costs we needed to avoid the dreaded “double injury”. You know – regular delivery for one, C section for the other. Messed up girl-parts, messed-up belly = not cool.

“We’re fine” she said, and then said, “I just want you to push.” So push I did. And out came Baby Girl feet first – 5 pushes max. And we were done. No pain, no stress, and Baby Girl delivered breech (thank you epidural).

And that is how Baby T and Baby C entered the world.  That’s my delivery story, and I’m stickin to it!

Ugh

It's offical - I've made it 37 weeks 4 days without swelling.

And today I developed.......

Cankles

Thank goodness for long maternity dresses and flip flops.

This is highly, highly unattractive......

It's the Final Countdown

My induction has been moved up.  Come Tuesday morning, if nothing happens before then, I’m headed to the hospital to have a little pitocin and hopefully some babies.

The last time I was induced with the first set of twins we didn’t have much warning – we went in on a Monday afternoon and the doctor said, “See you tomorrow morning for your induction.”  We had one night to not sleep, worry about having babies, and then head to the hospital. This time, I’ve got three whole days to muddle over the fact that two more babies are being added to our family.

To be honest, it is a completely strange feeling.  Three days until massive chaos hits. Three days until I have 2 more kids to take care of. Three days until I have little infants who want to eat every three hours.  Three days until the breast feeding/pumping/diaper changing/infant crying/spit up begins.

What things should I make sure I get done?

Laundry?  Cleaning? Quality time with each kid?  Grocery shopping?  Do my nails?  Attempt at shaving? Repaint the bathroom?  Blogging?  Last minute phone calls?  Reorganize the junk drawer?  Clean out the lint trap on the dryer?  Redecorate the living room?

I have this panicked feeling that I will never have one iota of free time ever again, and so I have to scramble to get everything perfect in the next 3 days.  Possible – no, and yet I still have this strange compulsion to try and do it.

So, if you see me outside cleaning windows, or vacuuming out the car, or anything else strange that a pregnant lady probably shouldn’t be doing, just leave me be.  It’s just a crazy pregnant lady with 3 days left until chaos ensues just trying to do the best she can.

Gold Star Baby!

Friday I had another visit with the Perinatologist.  We had another very thorough sonogram where they checked the babies' movements and chord blood flow.  The doctor told me how well I had done with this pregnancy, and that I should get a gold star.  "Come to think of it", she said, "You should get two gold stars - you have done so well."

Laying there on the sonogram chair, feeling large and uncomfortable, I just didn't feel very accomplished. Not very Gold Star worthy. In all honesty, I wasn't sure what I personally had done to keep these babies in for so long.  In fact, over the past week I have pretty much done everything under my power to make them come out, to no avail.

The doctor had us go to their conference room to wait for a minute - I assumed she was calling my OB to share her findings before we headed over there for that appointment.  Instead, the doctor came in a couple minutes later with this:

If you can't read the picture, this is what it says:

The Double Gold Star

AWARD is given to wonderful

Mrs. Heather Johnson

for being an exceptional patient

That's right - I got an official Gold Star award from my Perinatologist.  I must be pretty darn impressive.

It even has 2 actual shiny gold star stickers on it!

So, during those long nights when I have been up 87 times feeding babies and am going on 3 hours of sleep over 5 days, I can look at my beautiful Gold Star award, and feel somewhat accomplished.  I am sure not many patients are awarded this prestigious certificate, so it will hang on my fridge in a place of importance for all to gaze upon.

Behold the Double Gold Star Award and it's lucky recipient - ME!

No Dice

Apparently I don't sound desperate and pathetic enough, because after a very good, well rehearsed sob story that I gave to the nurse at my doctor's office, my induction date still stands at July 29th.

So, unless something completely unusual comes up on my sonogram tomorrow or I go into labor on my own, it looks like these babies aren't arriving until the 29th.

In the meantime, I have

*Scrubbed all our wood floors
*Set and re-set sprinklers
*Walked to and from our neighborhood pool in 100 degree heat multiple times
*Cleaned all the bathrooms
*Lifted lots of heavy things
*Cleaned all the glass doors multiple times
*Refinished a desk

And pretty much done everything else I wasn't supposed to 2 weeks ago.   And yet, nothing.  Little people, get out of my belly!

You Know Your Belly is Getting Big When....

Your laptop doesn't fit on your lap anymore

Your kid doesn't fit on your lap anymore

You have to open both sides of the french doors to get out of your bedroom

There is no fitting between, around, or in anything that you have to go in sideways

The level of water becomes basically flood level when you enter the bathtub

You can't open or close the blinds above your kitchen window because you can't reach the string without getting a stool so your belly reaches clearance level above the sink

It is hard to wash dishes because your belly keeps bumping into the sink

You have to carefully position yourself in just the right spot to open and close/load and unload the front loader washer and dryer

You see yourself from the sideview, cringe, and vow to not look in the mirror again from that vantage point until post-delivery

Not Cool

Just got a phone message from the doctor's office.  Nurse shared that they wanted to go ahead and schedule an induction (AWESOME!!!!).........



on July 29th!!!!!!


WHAT?  That's in 2 weeks people.....


Have begun making a list of reasons why I should be induced before July 29th to convince my lovely doctor to move up the date....I'll keep you posted

Intrusive-ness at Its Finest

Questions I have been asked the past week:

"Can I ask you a rude question?  Are you carrying twins? I thought so because you are so big!" - random lifeguard at YMCA pool

"Man, are you uncomfortable?  You look really pregnant and uncomfortable." - key scanner lady at YMCA

"There are twins in there right?  I just figured when I saw you." - lady in line behind me at grocery store

"Oh my gosh - when are you due?" - woman at library

Nothing like complete intrusiveness to make you feel completely self conscious.

How Much Does it Cost to Bribe a Perinatologist????

Last week I went to my regular OB for a sonogram, Baby Boy's abdomen was measuring small.  So, on Friday I went to a Perinatologist for another sonogram to confirm that his abdomen was small, and if it was we were probably looking at delivery early this week. 

So, I began mentally preparing myself for delivery this Tuesday (2 days from today).  In fact, I began dreaming longingly about it.  No more waddling around, no more pain in my butt, no more lower back pain, no more "When are you going to have those babies?".  I told everyone I ran into, "I am pretty sure we are having babies next week."

So, after a long and in-depth sonogram Friday afternoon at a specialist's office, the sonographer left to share the results with the doctor.  I prepared myself for the inevitable - the perinatologist would come in and say, "I'm going to call your OB and recommend that you deliver early next week.  Time for those babies to come out."

In came the perinatologist, and she began scanning my stomach again (I am pretty sure I have set the world's record for amount of sonogram jelly that has been smeared on my tummy in the past 8 months).  She talked about how great it was that both of the babies were moving, pointed out that they were both "practicing" breathing, the cord blood flow was still good, all their parts were there and looked to be in working order, and they were weighing at between 5 and 6 lbs. (That's right people, I am carrying approximately 10 to 12 lbs of baby in my belly.)

"How's his abdomen?"  I asked hopefully, bracing myself for the delivery news. 

"It's still measuring small - around the 9th percentile."  she said.

"So that's concerning right?  They probably need to come out, right?" I said feigning concern.

"Actually, we really look at fetal movement and cord blood flow to determine if it is time to deliver the babies.  Both of those look really good on you.  I'm not as concerned with his abdomen size, as much as those other 2 things. So, I am going to recommend to your OB that we don't induce delivery right now."

What?  What did she say?  No delivery.  On goes the back pain, butt pain, waddling and intrusive questions.....

As I walked out of the office with the nurse to schedule my next sonogram for the following week I asked, "Do you thing $50 would change her mind?" 

The nurse smiled kindly at me, shook her head no, and handed me my appointment card.  "See ya next week!" she brightly said.

"See you next week." Ugh!

Baldy and Don King

One other interesting fact that my most recent ultrasound revealed was that one of the babies has some hair.  OK, some hair may be an understatement.  Baby Girl Johnson has some massive hair.  Remember - babies are head to head pointing down.  So, check out these pics....

Here's Baby Girl Johnson - cute right?  Looks pretty normal, nothing strange...

 Here's Baby Boy Johnson - also cute. 

But what's that strange white fuzzy stuff above his head in the picture? 

Well, according to the ultrasound tech, that would be his sister's hair hanging over the top of his head.  Girlfriend has so much hair that is intruding into his close up.  I'm picturing a mini-Don King, or Snooki from Jersey Shore with that big bang formation over her forehead.  I'm going to be paying for haircuts before this kid rolls over.  Good thing newborns wear those little hats.

And no sign of hair on Baby Boy.  How could he - his sister's been taking all the hair-making nutrition apparently.

Oh boy is it going to be interesting to meet these babies!



What's Up Buttercup??

Recent Update:  Still no babies, still on "modified" bedrest, at 35 weeks and the countdown to "Party of Five" has begun.

I had a sonogram early last week which revealed lots of excellent information, such as:
1 - Both babies are head down - which explains why my bladder feels like a punching bag
2 - Baby Girl Johnson is not only head down, but is laying in a V with her feet resting on her brother's head
3 - Those 2 strange bumps at the top of my tummy that keep popping up are their butts
4 - Heartbeats, umbilical cord flow, and baby parts all look great

The only concern was Baby Boy Johnson's abdomen - apparently it is measuring a little small.  Like 7th percentile small.  All his other parts are measuing normally - so I am picturing this normal-headed, normal-limbed baby with this abnormally small middle part. Kinda like a Barbie Doll. Maybe he's been doing P90X or Abs of Steel?  You gotta do something to build your stregnth when your sister is constantly kicking you in the head.

So, next Friday the babies get scanned again to check out that Barbie abdomen and all their other parts.  If Baby Boy's waist is still small, the babies may be evicted from their current warm cozy home to the bright lights of the real world.

Clock's ticking.......little friends arriving soon.....

Like Manna from Heaven

Last few weeks of pregnancy - you are massive, uncomfortable, and feel udderly unattractive. To top it off, you are busting out of your go-to maternity clothes. Your favorite maternity t-shirt that fit last week is starting to show a little bottom belly if you don't constantly pull it down. That skirt that you have worn multiple times and felt semi-cute in all of a sudden is riding a little lower than you are comfortable wearing. You are starting to look like "that pregnant lady" that you swore you would never be - you know, the one who's belly is bustin out the bottom of her piled worn-way-to-many-times cotton shirt, and the elastic band of her maternity pants is a prominent feature on her lower back as she slowly waddles through Target looking absolutely miserable.

But, you don't want to go buy more clothes because

1- The size you are going to have to purchase is just disgusting
2 - You are only going to wear them a couple more weeks
3 - Most of the clothes that will fit your belly resemble a mu mu and who wants to spend their hard earned money on a mu mu

So, when my sister showed up last Thursday with a big bag of maternity clothes courtesy of her sister-in-law, I had a small glimmer of hope that there may be a shirt or two that could tide me over until delivery, but not much excitement. Because, as most of us know, a "shared" sack of maternity clothes sent to you in your last weeks is typically full of huge shirts that tie around the back and big baggy stretched out cotton pants with a bleach stains somewhere on the bottom. Not usually the height of fashion, even maternity fashion (which is a bit of an oxymoron)

But not this sack - this sack was full of flowy, comfy, soft dresses that were actually, dare I say....

FABULOUS!

And not just one cute dress, but lots of cute dresses. A week's worth (if I make sure not to drop food on my belly during lunch) of outfits that I could acutally feel attractive in. No more doing laundry every 3 days, or even 4 for that matter!

Now, I readily accept the fact that I still look massive in them. Turn to the side and the view might even scare you. But, they are comfortable, nothing is touching my belly, and they could pass for non-maternity dare I say "hip" clothes if you took a quick peek at them on the hanger.

So God Bless You JW sister-in-law of my sister and your bag of amazing Manna from Heaven Maternity Dresses! I love you!

Is Your Liver Fatty, or Is It Just Me??

My official diagnosis from my hospital stay last weekend is Acute Fatty Liver Syndrome of Pregnancy. Sounds sexy, right?

No, it sounds like I am a 400 lb. woman who has just spent her life engorging herself on fried foods, red meat, and pretty much anything else that is bad for you and is now paying the price by having a big, old, nasty fatty covered liver while trying to carry a baby (or two for that matter). In fact, when people ask me what was up with the hospital stay, I feel the urge to whisper the diagnosis very quietly behind my hand, almost like they discovered a shrunken twin growing out my back or something to that effect.

If you google this Fatty Liver issue, it basically scares the pants off you. Terms like "life-threatening" and "organ shut down" occur in the descriptions. So, after one day of investigating, I have banned myself from any Fatty Liver searches on the computer. The OB, the GI and various other medical professionals had faith that I am healthy enough to go home, they are monitoring me, and if I start to feel crappy, I just need to make a phone call that will probably land me back in the hospital with people sucking out and deciphering my blood again.

What I do know from what the doctors told me is that

1 - It is rare (1 in 10,000 to 1 in 15,000) pregnancies
2 - Nothing I could have done to prevent it
3 - It will go away 2-3 days after delivery

All I can do is eat a low-fat diet and hope my fatty liver hangs on until those babies get out of my belly.

So, here's to grilled chicken, veggies, and driving past Chic-Fil-A without stopping. Me and my (whisper)fatty liver have to stay away from you for awhile!

Quick Update

So sorry I haven't updated - amazing how much more time you have to write when you are stuck in the hospital without anyone to take care of versus at home trying to keep up with three kids, a dog, a husband, and family in visiting/helping/celebrating the 4th.

So, I got to go home last Tuesday afternoon after lots of blood draws, monitorings, and a whole bunch of just sitting around. It felt so good to just come home and sit on my own couch, lay in my own bed, and go back to sleeping in the rocker in the nursery because besides all the wonderful treatment at the hospital I got they couldn't figure out away to make my night butt pain go away. But, I was sleeping in the rocker at home, so that made it 10 times better.

So, besides the low fat diet, and everyone telling me to sit down, go rest, get out of the way, everything is good. Babies are good, liver enzymes are currently normal, I am large and uncomfortable which pretty much is how the last month of pregnancy goes.