As those of you who know me know - I am a private person in regards to my private parts. My roommates made fun of me in college for standing in a corner while dressing so no one say my naked-ness. I am a master of bra-removal while still wearing a shirt. I DREAD every girl doctor appointment I have ever had to suffer through. I'm not a fan of swimsuits, and I would rather be shot than breast-feed in public.
So, an hour after delivery and it is time to attempt the first breast feed. Keep in mind that both babies are in my room under warmers, and have at least 2 nurses attending to them. My nurse and my doctor are both in the room, and other random people in scrubs keep coming in and out. Plus, L and I are there. It is a post-birth circus.
Then, the lactation consultant joins in on the fun and she says, "Would you mind if a couple extra people came in to observe? It isn't every day we have an experienced mom of twins breastfeeding. It would be great for them to watch and learn."
L just looked at me and started to laugh....
And while inside my head is screaming, "NO! Please go AWAY! Everyone OUT!"
My voice says, "Sure." Yep, I am a post-birth self-advocating WIMP!
So, while I get ready to try and feed these new babies for the first time, exposing my chest to the entire room, I look around and start to count.
"1 person, 2 persons, 3 persons, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12....Twelve stinkin' people in the hospital room not including me or my husband while I try to attach a child to my chest."
So, the girl with the naked-phobia is now exposing her chest to a dozen random people. Ugh.
To top it all off, one of the observing crew with the lactation consultant decided she needed to ask me questions while I was attempting this. "How was feeding your first set of twins? How long did you breastfeed them? What bra size do you wear?"
(OK, she didn't ask me that, but she might was well have with as violated as I already felt)
I felt like I may as well have been up on stage dancing around in a nudie bar. It was a long, grueling, uncomfortable 15 minutes until the lactation crew left, all but a couple nurses cleared the room and I was able to put my gown back on and tie it tight around my neck, keeping all my parts private once again.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Baby Mind Games
I swear they are messing with me.......
I'll be in the middle of doing something (laundry, pumping, washing the 463 bottles we go through a day, staring at the fridge trying to figure out what I am hungry for) when a loud piercing scream will bellow through the monitor. I'll drop everything and dash to the babies' room to stick a pacifier in whoever is yelling, only to find 2 little babies sleeping peacefully.
I'll then return to task, when 2 seconds later, louder piercing screaming and crying through the monitor. Again, dash up to stick a pacifier in, only to find 2 babies still sleeping.
Repeat pattern about 87 times a day.
I know they are only 3 weeks old, but I am convinced that once I close the door they are winking and giving each other high fives.
I'll be in the middle of doing something (laundry, pumping, washing the 463 bottles we go through a day, staring at the fridge trying to figure out what I am hungry for) when a loud piercing scream will bellow through the monitor. I'll drop everything and dash to the babies' room to stick a pacifier in whoever is yelling, only to find 2 little babies sleeping peacefully.
I'll then return to task, when 2 seconds later, louder piercing screaming and crying through the monitor. Again, dash up to stick a pacifier in, only to find 2 babies still sleeping.
Repeat pattern about 87 times a day.
I know they are only 3 weeks old, but I am convinced that once I close the door they are winking and giving each other high fives.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Only After Having a Baby do you Get To.....
*Dread standing up for the first 24 hours post-birth
*Have nurses bring you ice cream in the middle of the night
*Wear white fishnet underwear
*Hang out in a hospital gown for days on end and no one question your fashion choice
*Request Ice-packs for your "hinterland" made out of baby diapers
*Order from "room service" for every meal and get chocolate pudding for breakfast
*Have all kinds of people see your girl parts
*Take 20 minutes to "repack" the goods after using the restroom with steps including the aforementioned fishnet underwear, maxipads the size of Minnesota, some strange pain-relieving spray, and funky smelling Tucks-ish looking pads.
*Have random nurses and lactation consultants touch and grab your goods and shove them into your newborn child's mouth
*Get frequent massages ----- of your belly to gush out all the extra fluid
*Send the babies to the nursery overnight and get your first 6 hours of solid sleep in a very long time
*Have nurses bring you ice cream in the middle of the night
*Wear white fishnet underwear
*Hang out in a hospital gown for days on end and no one question your fashion choice
*Request Ice-packs for your "hinterland" made out of baby diapers
*Order from "room service" for every meal and get chocolate pudding for breakfast
*Have all kinds of people see your girl parts
*Take 20 minutes to "repack" the goods after using the restroom with steps including the aforementioned fishnet underwear, maxipads the size of Minnesota, some strange pain-relieving spray, and funky smelling Tucks-ish looking pads.
*Have random nurses and lactation consultants touch and grab your goods and shove them into your newborn child's mouth
*Get frequent massages ----- of your belly to gush out all the extra fluid
*Send the babies to the nursery overnight and get your first 6 hours of solid sleep in a very long time
One Final Blow to the Ego
As I have written about earlier, this pregnancy garnered its share of crazy comments from all kinds of people. In fact, I felt like a magnet - attracting every strange comment that you should NOT make to someone who is pregnant. At least it made great fodder for blogging and facebook comments.
After pushing out the little people and loosing 2 babies and crazy fluid weight in a manner of minutes, I was feeling pretty darn good about myself after delivery. In fact, I felt svelte compared to the large marge I was 12 hours earlier. Yes, my stomach was still poking out, but I could walk without a waddle and was able to tie my robe around my waist. I felt like Cindy Crawford, or a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model, or one of those "after" pictures on a P90X commercial. I know I didn't look like that, but I sure felt great.
So, 12 hours after delivery the hubby and I were getting off the elevator from visiting T after he had been taken up to the NICU (blood sugar issue). It was 1am, I had been up all day, pushed 2 babies out of me, and was extremely tired. There was a cleaning lady getting on the elevator across from us. She looked at me and said,
"You getting ready to have that baby?"
"You getting ready to have that baby?".....It took me a couple seconds to process what she had asked me, and I probably gave her a strange look, and then I realized that she thought I was still pregnant.
"Actually, had them 12 hours ago."
The elevator doors closed with the poor woman looking extremely confused.
I should have probably been nice just said, "Yep!", but I didn't. Because she just totally deflated my Cindy Crawford-Sports Illustrated-P90Xish post-birth ego, and it took my nice out with it.
So, I walked my pregnant-looking non-pregnant self back to my room and asked the nurse for some ice cream.
After pushing out the little people and loosing 2 babies and crazy fluid weight in a manner of minutes, I was feeling pretty darn good about myself after delivery. In fact, I felt svelte compared to the large marge I was 12 hours earlier. Yes, my stomach was still poking out, but I could walk without a waddle and was able to tie my robe around my waist. I felt like Cindy Crawford, or a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model, or one of those "after" pictures on a P90X commercial. I know I didn't look like that, but I sure felt great.
So, 12 hours after delivery the hubby and I were getting off the elevator from visiting T after he had been taken up to the NICU (blood sugar issue). It was 1am, I had been up all day, pushed 2 babies out of me, and was extremely tired. There was a cleaning lady getting on the elevator across from us. She looked at me and said,
"You getting ready to have that baby?"
"You getting ready to have that baby?".....It took me a couple seconds to process what she had asked me, and I probably gave her a strange look, and then I realized that she thought I was still pregnant.
"Actually, had them 12 hours ago."
The elevator doors closed with the poor woman looking extremely confused.
I should have probably been nice just said, "Yep!", but I didn't. Because she just totally deflated my Cindy Crawford-Sports Illustrated-P90Xish post-birth ego, and it took my nice out with it.
So, I walked my pregnant-looking non-pregnant self back to my room and asked the nurse for some ice cream.
Oh Where Oh Where Has the Hip Momma Been?
Well, I had twins three weeks ago and I have three other kids to take care of.....You figure it out!
OK, that's a bit rude. Chalk it up to sleep deprivation, being hooked up to a breast pump half my day, and the other half spent putting a 2.5 year old either on the potty or in time-out while in between trying not to yell at two 6 year olds who desperately need to go back to school and get away from the 2.5 year old.
So, I've been here all along but nowhere near my computer.
Hip Grandmomma took the older three to the State Fair today, so I have dreams of blogging dancing through my head. Let's see if my dreams come true...
OK, that's a bit rude. Chalk it up to sleep deprivation, being hooked up to a breast pump half my day, and the other half spent putting a 2.5 year old either on the potty or in time-out while in between trying not to yell at two 6 year olds who desperately need to go back to school and get away from the 2.5 year old.
So, I've been here all along but nowhere near my computer.
Hip Grandmomma took the older three to the State Fair today, so I have dreams of blogging dancing through my head. Let's see if my dreams come true...
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