Who Wears the Pants?

I think that God blesses women with what I have coined "Pregnancy Amnesia".  Basically, as time goes on and you move away from the pregnancy, you slowly forget all the things that really stunk about being pregnant.  That includes blacking out pushing a small person out of your woman parts, and then trying to recover from all the damage that the process caused.  If it weren't for this Pregnancy Amnesia, the world would be full of one-child families.  If anyone vividly remembered the whole experience, only mentally unstable women would choose to go through it again.

Well, one of the things Pregnancy Amnesia erased for me was how much I HATE maternity pants.  In the past couple weeks, I have had to dive full force into the maternity gear, and the memories of ill-filling pants have come flooding back. 

Gravity and physics are fighting against the all-mighty maternity pant.  You can put in the strongest elastic known to man and use it to bind the waist-band in all types of ways, but those stinkin pants just can't stay up.  You can put a thick strip of elastic just under your belly, pull a thin layer of it over your belly, or any combination of the two.  No matter the effort, after an hour of two of wear, you get the sense that your pants are slowly sliding to the floor.

I have resigned myself to the fact that when wearing maternity pants, you have to choose between two looks:  The Plumber or The Erkel.  You spend your day in constant limbo between the two.  Pants slowly sliding down, crotch sagging to your knees, crack at risk of being exposed – gotta pull ‘em up.  Yank them up as high as they will go to give you a little extra time before they start sliding again. It’s a vicious cycle that you spend your day going through. 

So, if you see me constantly hiking my pants up, wearing my pants higher than is fashionably acceptable, or showing more skin on the backside when I bend down than is pleasant, please know its not my fault.  It’s a little bit gravity, a little bit physics, and a lot that maternity pants just stink.

2011 - The Year of the Vomit

Apparently one of the joys of carrying more than one baby at once is that it doesn't just mess with your body like a normal pregnancy does - it completely jacks it up.  I recall being sick with the first set of twins, but over the years memories fade and you don't think it was "that bad".  But, I also was on summer break from teaching during my first trimeseter with Set #1 and wasn't chasing around 3 other kids.  I had the luxury of time and non-responsibility, so I spent A LOT of my days on the couch that summer.  I do remember eating multiple servings of KFC mashed potatoes and saltines, and not much of anything else.

So, Twin Pregnancy #2 Trimester #1 rolls around, and starts 2011 off with quite a bang (or "quite a barf" to be honest).

One of the reasons that this blog just started a couple weeks ago is that I pretty much spent my time in January and February feeling like crud, being extremely tired, and throwing up whatever I had happened to put in my mouth 30 minutes earlier.  Whatever energy I had went into just barely maintaining our house, trying to interact with the kids, and getting myself showered and dressed sometime during the day.

The worst time was 4 pm to bedtime, which made making, eating, and dealing with dinner particularily interesting.  Late afternoon/evening routine would usually go like this:

4pm - Feed kids snack and try to fake like I have energy to interact with them
5pm - Take last dose of anti-nausea drug and hope I don't throw it up
5:15 pm - Start making dinner while gagging and trying not to throw up
6pm - Eat dinner while working hard to hold in every bite, or just fake like I am eating it so kids don't notice
6:30 pm - Beg hubby to clean kitchen because dirty dishes and cold food make me throw up
7:30 pm - Start helping kids get ready for bed while ignoring the fact that I need to throw up
8:00 pm - Throw up
9:00 pm - Massive salivation problem, stomach empty so makes it worse.  Take dose of night-time nausea drug that makes me really sleepy and hopefully keeps me from throwing up
10:00 pm - Throw up again and debate wether I threw up my nausea drug or if it was long enough where it got into my system.  Go to sleep hoping I don't wake up in the middle of the night needing to throw up

Needless to say, there are not a lot of dinners that I prepared in January or February that I won't be making again in the near future.  So, if anyone has any good dinner recipes they can toss my way - send them over, I need them!

That's What He Said

Many of you have been wondering what the hubby's reaction to the whole twin business was.  As you can read here, I was solo on the "Ultrasound of Great Surprise" as I have now coined it.  There was no reason for him to be there - it was just a routine check-in on the pregnancy - no big deal. (ha, ha - jokes on us apparently)

So, after my 30 minutes of shock including being consoled by the ultrasound tech and doctor, having my blood drawn (which I barely remember), and walking back to the car, I decided it was time to call my husband.

Now, before I share our conversation, let me tell you that L had been harassing me a bit about there being twins.  Once the stick test came back positive, he would drop little comments like "I think there are 2 in there." or "What if there are 2?" just to get a rise out of me.  Oh, if only he had known.....

"Hey!  How'd it go?  Is there a baby in there?"

"Oh yeah, there's a baby in there.  Actually.............there are 2."

"What?"

"I said there are 2."

Long pause...."You're joking right?"

"No, I'm not joking.  Do I sound like I'm joking? I just spent the last 45 minutes crying in the ultrasound room and getting my blood drawn and I hardly remember any of it.  I am definitely not joking."

"You're pulling my leg right?"

"No, I'm telling you there are 2 babies in there. I'm too freaked out to be joking with you."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"Oh s&$*."

Apparently about 15 minutes after our phone call, L was walking down the hall in his office when he spontaneously said the F-word out loud.  One of his employees said, "Lee - are you ok?"  He nodded and said "Yeah, why?"  She said, "You just said the F word."  He apparently had no idea he was spontaneously cussing in his office hallway.  He told his employee nothing was wrong, but I knew what he was thinking about...... :)

Side note - I don't want any of you to think L and I are complete potty-mouths, especially since 2 out of my first 3 posts have involved words of ill-repute.  But, we are dealing with some unique circumstances which have brought out some unique characteristics in us :)

What's in a Name

So what's with "Hip Momma in a Shoe?"

There was an old woman who lives in a shoe
She had so many children she didn't know what to do

Well - I'm going to have "so many" children
And I definately am not sure what I'm gonna do

But, I just don't feel like an old woman.  I may in a couple months, but I'm not there yet. So I started thinking, what's the opposite of Old Woman? 

Young Lady?  Nah
Cool Chick? Not quite
Youthful Chica?  Nope

Hip Momma?  Might work.  I'm a momma - that's for sure.  Soon to be five times over.

Hip?  May be a bit in question - at least according to my husband.  But I try to keep it stylish and rockin'- I don't bust the mom jeans, can sing along with Lady Gaga in spin class, and have updated my haircut in the past 5 years.  That's pretty hip right?  At least close enough.  I'm giving myself "hip".

Oh, and we don't live in a shoe.  But stick 2 more kids in here, and it's going to get a bit crowded and stinky.  A bit shoe-like.

So, "Hip Momma in a Shoe" it is.

A Picture is Worth 2 Words

I went to the doctor in mid-December, about a week before Christmas.  I had taken a "stick" test, and it had come back positive.  So, I was in the doctors to confirm a pregnancy, have a little check in, and go about my merry way.  I had a lovely visit with the doctor, and then headed to the ultrasound room for a little lookey-loo at this new little life that was growing in my belly.

and this is what I saw...

For those of you with ultrasound viewing experience, you know that this picture is not the norm.  Did the "A" and "B" give it away?

Comment by ultrasound tech: "Oh my gosh - we've got twins!"

Simultaneous whispered comment by me as I felt all the blood rush out of my face: "Oh sh*&."

(Pardon my french, figured might as well leave all the true details in)

Ultrasound tech, "This is so exciting!  (Pause) You don't look so good - do you need to lay back a little more?"

Me (tears starting to flow a bit): "You don't understand. I already have some of those, plus a single one.  We don't need any more doubles.....And, yes I do think I need to lie down more."

For the rest of the ultrasound, while she measured and took pictures and handed me Kleenex, I laid there crying and slowly freaking out.  I am sure the tech thought I was a complete basket case - which at that moment I was.

Apparently after the doctors office, I went and had my blood drawn, called my husband (a whole other story), drove myself home, paid a babysitter, and started dinner.  I pretty much can't remember any of it.

So, that is how the next very interesting chapter of our lives has begun.....stay tuned to hear how things have progressed since this first life-changing belly pic :)