Birthday Musings

Amazing what motherhood and an aging mind does to you...

Today's my birthday - not telling you that because I expect all my thousands (ok, five not including my mom) of readers to wish me a wonderful day, send me flowers and cards, or write amazing witty comments on my facebook page.  Just telling you because it has made me think - think about how differently I approached my birthday 10 or 20 or (ahem) 30+ years ago.

I remember for the first 20 or so years of my life, this event was something that I started counting down to in early October.  Once Halloween was past, I knew my special day was coming.  The night before,  I would lay my head on the pillow and think, "This is the last night I am going to be 9, or 15, or a teenager, or not of drinking age, or still in my 20's".  It was exciting because it was my special day - the day I didn't share with anyone in my family, the day I got the attention, the day I felt just a little more special.

Last night when I went to bed, I didn't think about that at all.  Not one "This is the last night I will be 36!" or "Tomorrow is my special day!" Honestly, if I had been thinking like that, I probably would have had to do some serious math to figure out how old I actually was going to be before I recognized its passing of the previous year.

For some reason, the older you get, the more you loose track of how old you are.  Maybe it's because you've passed up all those "age" milestones - I have my very own library card, I can drive, I can vote, and I can buy a nice bottle of Strawberry Boone's at the corner liqueur store without becoming sweaty and nervous as I check out.  After that, what's the big deal?  I'm not counting down the years until I'm eligible to join AARP, and the way the economy is going all my kids are going to be living in my basement until they are 35 anyway so I don't really have a motherhood retirement date to look forward to.

To be honest, today is just another ordinary day - I went grocery shopping with 3 kids in tow, did a couple loads of laundry, argued with my toddler about nap, changed a bunch of wet diapers - with some well wishes thrown on top. And I'm not complaining about that because it is what it is.  Where my life is right now I don't get the chance to head to the spa for a couple hours, or have a leisurely bday dinner at a fancy restaurant with my husband, or eat cake at 2 in the afternoon with my coworkers.

But that's ok - because I got 3 birthday hugs and "Happy Birthday Mom" from three cute kids I love at breakfast, a "Happy Birthday Honey" from a wonderful husband this morning, and lots of adorable baby smiles and coos (that's "Happy Birthday" in baby-speak for those of you who can't translate).  There are well wishes from dear friends and family in the form of wall posts and phone calls and texts, and maybe a card or two in the mail once it arrives.  And my cup runneth over.....

Gone are the days of dreaming about my presents, my cake, my party, and my "day of special-ness".  I am now full tilt into "Oh crap, I'm closer to 40 than I thought!" and "Can you please be nice to mommy today because it's her birthday?" and "I love the Barbie Princess birthday card you picked out - it is just what I wanted!".  Funny thing is, if I had a chance, I don't think I would go back.

OK, that's a lie - I would go back for the fancy restaurant date night with my husband, but that's it....

And maybe a day of not changing diapers....

Or not arguing with the toddler about nap.....

Or grocery shopping by myself......